I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
