i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize