Little spoons don't ask big questions
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
