Can i not drive my cunt home
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
