Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
