I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
