He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
