But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
