It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
