I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
