In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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