Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
