How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
