That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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