HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Pants are for mortals
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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