I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
