I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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