So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
