Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
