how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am spending my child support on dildos
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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