he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
