hell yes lets make some ravioli
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
