It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
