Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
