he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
