There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
