dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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