I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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