u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
