worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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