Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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