So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
