I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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