My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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