Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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