You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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