I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
do nipples grow back?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
