I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
