i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
