apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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