words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
