ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All I want is dick and wine.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
