I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
