She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
