? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
