Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
