he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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