I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
