her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
