then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
