I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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