Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize