I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
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She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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