I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
