Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
