Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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