I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
