Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
