i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
