Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
