I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
