shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
