On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So many bounce houses so little time
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
