If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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