i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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