you didnt know i had herpes?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
